Don’t you hate it when your mind showers you with negative thoughts that attack your self-esteem? Or when you can’t seem to think of any good memories to comfort you?
Humans are strange like that, we all have self destructive minds. There will be a time in your life when you will be at your lowest. It happens to the best of us, eventually.
Let me share a short story with you.
At some point in time, a child, let’s call him T, thought he had his life figured out. This infant thought his life would continue smoothly onto a straight path. He was wrong. He was kinesthetically intelligent, as well as poetically clever. He came out number 1 in a karate tournament in 04’, made it into an intercity AA basketball team and got twelve thousand views on one of his dancing videos on Youtube.
T loved writing cheesy stories and poems just for himself. He never showed anyone. Every birthday greeting he wrote for his parents made them shed tears of joy. He was so good at these things. But he made the mistake of striving towards only one of his desires.
Leaving out the other two from his daily routines, he slowly became absorbed in competitive gameplay of video games. It got in the way of his relationships, education, and both physical and mental health. As his hours on the virtual reality increased, the time spent for anything else decreased. His friends stopped inviting him when they would hang out, stopped inviting him to parties, and people simply stopped talking to him.
His parents fought a lot and almost had a divorce. They even had to sell their house and move into a small condo. Everything seemed to be going wrong in his life; all at the same time. Once he hit puberty, this adolescent began to see the world through a set of dark lenses. Everything he had seen and experienced, whether it was good or bad, he saw in a neutral or negative perspective. His emotions would always be capped when something happened.
When I say “ capped “, I mean that there was a certain amount of emotion he would allow himself to express. T wouldn’t really allow himself to truly feel happy because, for an unknown reason, it didn’t seem right anymore. He kept his feelings bottled up by staying indifferent about everything.
It had him to focus on all the wrong things, such as the imperfections on his body, things he wasn’t good at or things he couldn’t do, and worst of all, he started comparing himself to people that were succeeding at the things he was failing.
In result, T ended up seeing a psychologist for a year because of his morbid lifestyle. His sad mind turned into depression. He wasn’t capable of enjoying this thing called life. For instance, when he received gifts from anyone, he would smile and he would show gratitude. But in reality, his smile was a mask that hid the emptiness inside of him. He would always judge himself. Fortunately, in the end he got through it.
I’m not going to lie and tell you he’s living happily ever after. But with the support of his family and friends, he saw himself and everything around him in a more positive perspective. Nobody is really ever free from problems, but if I can get through these depressing events, so can you. I have just recently started to actually feel happy. I had made a list. In this list I wrote down things that I have. After reading the entire list, I realized that I have everything I need to be happy. This list of things and people were always in front of my eyes, but I always took them for granted. I have always focused on the negative things.
Go out there and enjoy life. Become that person you’ve always wanted to be.
One day, I read a quote saying that the person you will be spending the most time with in your life is yourself, so try to make yourself as interesting as possible. I hope you realize that some day, whoever you are.
Learn new things, travel, be happy with whatever you do.
Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
Station Ninety 